Do you ever wonder why people watch nascar? I do. If you want to watch fast things go around in circles just watch a chinese fire drill. Let's play a game. Its called By the Numbers. I give you a number and you guess what it is: 324. No, that's not C.C Sabathia's weight. That his the high price of a nascar ticket in dollars. 100: If you guessed Paris Hilton's weight times two you're incorrect. 100 dollars is the minimum ticket price for the Food City 500. Would you pay that much money to see a bunch of tools drive around really fast? You could wait at a redlight and watch two tools dragrace for free! Think about this if you're brother-in-law from Lousiana asks you to go to a race with him.
There are three important reasons (there are thousands of reasons) not to go to a Nascar race:
1) The noise... If you'd like to go watch nascar and listen to the noise you might as well strap yourself to the bottom of a 747. It's basically the same thing.
2) Have you ever been to a redneck state? Nascar races are simply another name for Redneck Reunion. Hugs and white shirtless guys. For those who work at Lemay Associates I'm not talking about Mike Rafuse.
3)Enjoy shitty food and ugly girls.
Hopefully this post made you think before you bought those tickets. If you bought tickets God bless you and enjoy 5 hours of the same thing every thirty seconds.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
WOW
Your'e playing touch football in your backyard with your family. You're rushing in to sack the quarterback when suddenly your grandfather, older than dirt itself, throws himself at your knee caps knocking you to the ground. You're in excruciating pain because your grandfather's dome piece is as thick as a helmet. This is basically what happened in this weeks Vikings Vs. Texans meaningless preseason game.
Send me an email if you don't agree with this statement: Brett Favre is the biggest (and oldest) bitch in football. You need a stern talking to if you don't agree. He won't take a hit but he'll sure give an illegal one in a preseason game. Now, Brett is an old man so I understand that he doesn't want to take a hit (he's still a pussy) but that doesn't give him the right to spear someone into submission with his helmet in a preseason game! He had nothing to prove during the preseason. I know rednecks are stupid but when you're a guy like Brett Favre and you know you're a hall of famer you are going to have the starting job! He could've done as shitty a job as Jobe did looking for compassion and still started on the Vikings. Maybe that one particular play was a sign. Maybe 'Ol Brett doesn't have it anymore and he's looking to get hurt. Obviously this isn't the case but old men flying through the air must be stopped! 10 grand is pennies to a rich old man. If I was Eugene Wilson I would sue Brett for all he's worth (which isn't much). But anyways I want to get to my main point. Brett, I have a message for you: GO AWAY!
Send me an email if you don't agree with this statement: Brett Favre is the biggest (and oldest) bitch in football. You need a stern talking to if you don't agree. He won't take a hit but he'll sure give an illegal one in a preseason game. Now, Brett is an old man so I understand that he doesn't want to take a hit (he's still a pussy) but that doesn't give him the right to spear someone into submission with his helmet in a preseason game! He had nothing to prove during the preseason. I know rednecks are stupid but when you're a guy like Brett Favre and you know you're a hall of famer you are going to have the starting job! He could've done as shitty a job as Jobe did looking for compassion and still started on the Vikings. Maybe that one particular play was a sign. Maybe 'Ol Brett doesn't have it anymore and he's looking to get hurt. Obviously this isn't the case but old men flying through the air must be stopped! 10 grand is pennies to a rich old man. If I was Eugene Wilson I would sue Brett for all he's worth (which isn't much). But anyways I want to get to my main point. Brett, I have a message for you: GO AWAY!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
PLEASE HELP
75 people put on pinstripes for half of the year. Most are hated by hotdog wielding middle-aged men. No, I'm not talking about the yankees. I'm talking about the men and woman who referee basketball games. There is one word that can just about sum up the job they do for a living: atrocious.
As I sat on my couch in front of the t.v last night, slowly but surely falling asleep, I was awoken by the voice of Doc Rivers. He was yelling, pissed as a bull in a china shop. Glen Davis had just picked up his 6th foul leaving the battered Celtics with only 3 bench players left (I probably could've suited up for this one). But Doc wasn't yelling at Big Baby. He was yelling at the referee that made the call. The call on the floor was an illegal screen. The ref said Davis was moving as he set the pick. This was partially true but there's more behind it. As Davis set the screen, Mario Chalmers was giving "Big Baby" a "big bear" hug. However, Davis wanted nothing of it and continued setting the screen. His feet were moving the whole time so evidently he got the call because of the sheer stupidity of the refs. The call didn't alter the game but it still pissed me off none the less.
I understand that refereeing is a tough job. Many if the calls made throughout the game are judgement calls meaning you have to use your best judgement on the play. This doesn't always happen, especially at the middle school and highschool levels. The refs just wanna choose the easiest call so they can make their money and be on their way. That is fine for them but for the players on the court playing the game they love it preverts the great game of basketball. Even adults who are supporting their son, daughter, or sibling (that means you Russ Colley) get angry at how poorly these games are officiated. I've seen family members walk out of games because of how bad they are called. This is middle school basketball we're talking about! Kids just want to have fun. But its tough to have fun when you get punched in the temple but don't get to the free throw line (trust me, I know). This leads to kids arguing which leads to technicals which leads to coaches getting thrown out which leads to fighting parents which leads to viscous emails home which leads to crying kids which leads to quitters. You notice that if basketball referees don't do their job properly it could lead to a suburban catastrophy. Without highschool ball, students will have no where to go on friday nights resulting in more and more drinking parties. Things could become terrible.
With that behind us, refs have the potential to do great things for their community. They allow students to enjoy a great amount of entertainment. They give kids the chance to be good at something. They even allow parents to let off a little steam (especially if the refs are terrible). With all of that said I would like to say thank you to all of the referees out there for at least trying. At least.
*If there are any refs reading this I hope you understand how important your job is. I also hope you understand that 50% percent of the people are going to love you. The rest will hate you.... alot.
As I sat on my couch in front of the t.v last night, slowly but surely falling asleep, I was awoken by the voice of Doc Rivers. He was yelling, pissed as a bull in a china shop. Glen Davis had just picked up his 6th foul leaving the battered Celtics with only 3 bench players left (I probably could've suited up for this one). But Doc wasn't yelling at Big Baby. He was yelling at the referee that made the call. The call on the floor was an illegal screen. The ref said Davis was moving as he set the pick. This was partially true but there's more behind it. As Davis set the screen, Mario Chalmers was giving "Big Baby" a "big bear" hug. However, Davis wanted nothing of it and continued setting the screen. His feet were moving the whole time so evidently he got the call because of the sheer stupidity of the refs. The call didn't alter the game but it still pissed me off none the less.
I understand that refereeing is a tough job. Many if the calls made throughout the game are judgement calls meaning you have to use your best judgement on the play. This doesn't always happen, especially at the middle school and highschool levels. The refs just wanna choose the easiest call so they can make their money and be on their way. That is fine for them but for the players on the court playing the game they love it preverts the great game of basketball. Even adults who are supporting their son, daughter, or sibling (that means you Russ Colley) get angry at how poorly these games are officiated. I've seen family members walk out of games because of how bad they are called. This is middle school basketball we're talking about! Kids just want to have fun. But its tough to have fun when you get punched in the temple but don't get to the free throw line (trust me, I know). This leads to kids arguing which leads to technicals which leads to coaches getting thrown out which leads to fighting parents which leads to viscous emails home which leads to crying kids which leads to quitters. You notice that if basketball referees don't do their job properly it could lead to a suburban catastrophy. Without highschool ball, students will have no where to go on friday nights resulting in more and more drinking parties. Things could become terrible.
With that behind us, refs have the potential to do great things for their community. They allow students to enjoy a great amount of entertainment. They give kids the chance to be good at something. They even allow parents to let off a little steam (especially if the refs are terrible). With all of that said I would like to say thank you to all of the referees out there for at least trying. At least.
*If there are any refs reading this I hope you understand how important your job is. I also hope you understand that 50% percent of the people are going to love you. The rest will hate you.... alot.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Poor Patriots
It just isn't fair. The Patriots will not be going to the playoffs this season, curtesy of Eric Mangini and the godforsaken Jets. While on the field, I bet Brett Favre looked up at the jumbotron and saw that Baltimore was winning. Then he decided to suck because he knew the Jets lost their chance to go to the playoffs. This meant that the 11-5 Patriots would not be going as well. Kudos to the Pats for this season though. When Brady went down I thought for sure the Pats would finish below .500. Then, it seemed like players were getting injured every day. But in the end, after all of the injuries, the Patriots were one game away from the playoffs. And even though they didn't get in, *Bill Belicheck* should still be the coach of the year. His star player went down along with at least 5 other potential pro bowlers and he still led his team to one of the top ten records in football.
The NFL playoff system needs to be changed before my dad has a heart attack and beats Eric Mangini. The Patriots deserve to be in the playoffs. The Cardinals and Chargers do not. The Patriots are 11-5. The Cardinals and Chargers are 8-8. You can guess who the better team is. I know that the theory is that teams are competetive in their division but when a team that's three games above .500 doesn't make the playoffs then something is wrong! It just isn't fair. If Mangini wasn't already going to hell then he is now.
** You have to perform three miracles to become a Saint. Belicheck has already performed two:
1) He took a team that was looked down upon in the begining of the season to a near playoff run.
2) He has the ability to wear the same sweatshirt every game no matter how hot or cold it is and still look decent.
** Bill Belicheck is the football Jesus and I'm standing by that statement.
The NFL playoff system needs to be changed before my dad has a heart attack and beats Eric Mangini. The Patriots deserve to be in the playoffs. The Cardinals and Chargers do not. The Patriots are 11-5. The Cardinals and Chargers are 8-8. You can guess who the better team is. I know that the theory is that teams are competetive in their division but when a team that's three games above .500 doesn't make the playoffs then something is wrong! It just isn't fair. If Mangini wasn't already going to hell then he is now.
** You have to perform three miracles to become a Saint. Belicheck has already performed two:
1) He took a team that was looked down upon in the begining of the season to a near playoff run.
2) He has the ability to wear the same sweatshirt every game no matter how hot or cold it is and still look decent.
** Bill Belicheck is the football Jesus and I'm standing by that statement.
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